August 25, 2022

“Blue Ridge Autumn,” A Poem by Reed Venrick

“Blue Ridge Autumn,” A Poem by Reed Venrick

“Blue Ridge Autumn” ONE On a cold but sunny afternoon, late autumn, Wendy hurries up a chilly, pine-shaded sidewalk. And as she hurries, she memorizes her favorite poem from that semester’s study and strife; she, sounding out dee-dum, the stresses of iambic rhythm, while inhaling the rich aroma of pine boughs hanging over her ascending walk. After another week of classes, just a few weeks more, at the university across the ridge, but now Wendy hurries on up to her waitressing job at the restaurant and hotel called “The Grove Park Inn,” where Scott Fitzgerald and Zelda dined, where Thomas Wolfe rushed to write—gazing out to Mount Pisgah. Hopkin’s “Spring and Fall,” the sounds stepping inside Wendy’s fresh-air brain, as she recites the lines on an autumn day cold enough to need a woolen sweater,…

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August 19, 2022

“Perfect Retreat” By Fiona Thraille

“Perfect Retreat” By Fiona Thraille

Happy August, presenting “Perfect Retreat” by Fiona Thraille! Dashing Onions Audio creates original audio drama miniseries and one-off plays, focusing on stories with elements of oddness, mythology and the supernatural. PERFECT RETREAT, Episode 1 – Not Here” is written and produced by Fiona ThraillePleas click here for the transcript and further credits.TRIGGER WARNING: Brief mentions of death/grief, depictions of social anxiety and a panic attackCAST In order of appearance Voiceover – Angela Ness The Operator – David AultSam – Erika SandersonSally, the journalist – Wendy LapLavender Bee – Fiona ThrailleCraig – RJ BayleyMaja – Karin HeimdahlJohn – Matthew MacLeanAndy – Robert CudmoreClaire – Wendy Lap. “PERFECT RETREAT, Episode 2 – Not There” is written and produced by Fiona ThraillePlease click here for the transcript and further credits.TRIGGER WARNING: A panic attackCAST In order of appearanceShel – Nathan BladesSam…

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August 9, 2022

“The Guacamole Incident,” by William Torphy

“The Guacamole Incident,” by William Torphy

Horace reaches for the party-sized plastic tub, hits it with his thumb and pushes it off the coffee table. The tub falls face-down, sending gobs of guacamole exploding across the new cream-colored Berber carpeting, instantly transforming its surface into an abstract painting of green clods and speckling red.   He slides off his lounge chair and kneels next to the goopy mess. Silvia will be home soon from her therapy appointment. There’s going to be hell to pay and he needs to think quickly. Grab something to sop up the carnage— a rag, a towel, a sponge. Maybe something like a trowel to first scoop up the worst of it. Armed with a spatula, he attempts to spoon up the chunky clumps but he only manages to spread the catastrophe further. He tosses the guac-covered spatula…

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August 5, 2022

“Abigail Branagan Takes the Case”

Happy August Fictional Cafe! In light of school starting soon for some listeners, I thought you’d enjoy a story from someone else in school. Presenting Abigail Branagan Takes the Case, read by Clarissa Dernederlanden. Your favorite middle-school private detective returns with an all-new adventure. A Private Eye has to take the cases she can get, and sometimes that means your clients are just the worst. Or even worse than that, your older brother. Chapter 1, in which old friends come calling and noses are lightly rearranged Chapter 2, in which awkward introductions are made awkwardly. Chapter 3, in which our hero restores her lair to its former grandeur. We hope you enjoyed Abigail Branagan. If you wish to listen to the rest of the story, you can find it on Audible, or Amazon. And of…

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August 4, 2022

“I’ll Have Water Overnice,” by Kaeli Dinh

“I’ll Have Water Overnice,” by Kaeli Dinh

I’ll have water overnice Freedom was getting to sleep over at our uncle’s. Fridays consisted of squirting ketchup into our waters and Saturdays with blankets over our eyes from the late-night horror films. We were three spoiled children that slept with sugar running through our veins and nightmares we didn’t tell our mother. Then the pencil marks on the wall got higher and our hands started to grab more. But uncle was still squirting ketchup into his water. Freedom was forgetting to answer his calls and taking cash out of the birthday cards he made. Keeping us healthy costs more than his insulin shots. But his hand kept feeding until he lost his sight. He was fooled humbling himself a Giving Tree. We took his only good apples and now his eyes. When he wanted…

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August 2, 2022

“Art as Comic Expression,” by David Meyers

“Art as Comic Expression,” by David Meyers

Artist’s Statement:In my artwork I am interested in the boundary between lowbrow and highbrow culture, the semiotics of visual language and revisionist mythology.  Emerging from a sardonic mire of humor, I look toward finding wonder in the mundane surroundings, a created narrative and a hair-brained idea somewhere between smart, silly and stupid. I love the visual language, the history and conversation that art creates, silly jokes, overthinking, under thinking and the dialogue in-between. I make the work that I want to see in the world. Art isn’t always about high notions of beauty and what ails the world, it can be about the screws in your pocket, about drinking a beer, about sitting in your underwear, about a piece of trash at the beach. Art’s power is its endurance, and I find it best fitting…

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July 28, 2022

“Algorithms and Lies,” A Short Story by Dave Swan

“Algorithms and Lies,” A Short Story by Dave Swan

Mick Sanford stared at the screen, blinked, and shook his head, thinking his editor had lost her millennial mind. She’d just sent an email telling him to submit his new manuscript, “Murder By Desire,” for review—not by her, but by some artificial intelligence bot. Unbelievable.  Muttering about the young punks wrecking the business, he started his video meeting app. “Good afternoon, Mick,” Lindsey Parrish said pleasantly a minute later. “I thought I might hear from you today.”  She was going to hear plenty. “You’ve got to be kidding me. What the hell is this?”  “The principle is really no different from spellcheck,” Lindsey said, unruffled. “It gives us metrics that affect the quality of the story. I’m not saying I’ll accept all of Max’s advice—”  “Who?”  “That’s what the bot is called. A lot of…

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July 26, 2022

“Spare Parts,” Poetry PLAGIARIZED by John Kucera

“Spare Parts,” Poetry PLAGIARIZED by John Kucera

Editor’s Note, January 26, 2024: We published this post in July of 2022. It has recently come to our attention that at least one of the poems was plagiarized. Thank you to Tara Campbell for alerting us to this literary swindler. We are leaving this post up, minus the poetry, so Google searches will still lead here and people can learn the truth. Our apologies to John Compton, who is the original author of the plagiarized work. Check out his poems here. John Kucera (a pen name for John Siepkes) has made a name for himself by stealing others’ poems and it is well documented. Below are just a few links for anyone who wants to hear more about his shameful acts of passing off stolen work as his own. We hope that you will…

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