“The Secret Society of the Women’s Bathroom” ~ An Audio Arts Short Story One of the most innovative and interesting positions we’ve developed here at The Fictional Café is the Writer in Residence. We choose a poet and a fiction-writer every two years from among our contributors, creative people in whom we see great merit and potential. We hope our two Writers in Residence, who are chosen in alternating years, will help FC grow in new creative directions, and we’ve not been disappointed. Be sure to click over to the Residency link to learn more about our Residency Program, past and present.Since assuming her new position in January, Rachel Gonzalez most assuredly has met and exceeded our criteria. One of the most innovative and distinctive ideas she came up with was to chronicle her hike up and down…
“Vector Control,” A Short Story by Micah Thorp
Laughter and revelry permeated the ceremony. At least until the explosion. Red balloons, firecrackers, a brass band and the entirety of the Mayoral staff were in attendance as the coffin was marched from the back of a flatbed truck into the midst of Portland’s South Waterfront Square. The coffin was an ostentatious thing, painted in red and gold, with the lid cracked open just enough to expose large Papier-Mache ears and giant snout, complete with whiskers and buck teeth. The laughter was misplaced, though the participants at the City’s mock funeral celebrating the beginning of “Vector Control Week” could not have foreseen the devastation about to befall the event. After all, when is frivolity at a mock funeral interrupted by domestic terrorism? Particularly unaware were two young men who would eventually “claim” responsibility for the explosion. Not…
“Oz 9” by Shannon Perry
Welcome back Fictional Cafe Listeners, up next we have “Oz 9” by Shannon Perry. On an otherwise unexceptional Tuesday in 2042, Gated Galaxies fired off 400 of its Oz 8000™ ships, each with 50,000 “resting guests” tucked into stasis pods, plus a skeleton crew of up to half-a-dozen total no-hopers. It was a win-win for G2, as they’re known, as the Oz 8000 model was about to be declared “unfit for journeying to the nearest 7-Eleven, much less interstellar space” and recalled. G2 had a very large fleet of the 8000s, and a slight head start on the recall, as they’d paid off the head inspector to delay her report by promising the ships would be stripped and sold for parts. Instead, the ships were spit-shined, outfitted with some black market YugoPods™, and space aboard quietly…
“The Guacamole Incident,” by William Torphy
Horace reaches for the party-sized plastic tub, hits it with his thumb and pushes it off the coffee table. The tub falls face-down, sending gobs of guacamole exploding across the new cream-colored Berber carpeting, instantly transforming its surface into an abstract painting of green clods and speckling red. He slides off his lounge chair and kneels next to the goopy mess. Silvia will be home soon from her therapy appointment. There’s going to be hell to pay and he needs to think quickly. Grab something to sop up the carnage— a rag, a towel, a sponge. Maybe something like a trowel to first scoop up the worst of it. Armed with a spatula, he attempts to spoon up the chunky clumps but he only manages to spread the catastrophe further. He tosses the guac-covered spatula…
“Art as Comic Expression,” by David Meyers
Artist’s Statement:In my artwork I am interested in the boundary between lowbrow and highbrow culture, the semiotics of visual language and revisionist mythology. Emerging from a sardonic mire of humor, I look toward finding wonder in the mundane surroundings, a created narrative and a hair-brained idea somewhere between smart, silly and stupid. I love the visual language, the history and conversation that art creates, silly jokes, overthinking, under thinking and the dialogue in-between. I make the work that I want to see in the world. Art isn’t always about high notions of beauty and what ails the world, it can be about the screws in your pocket, about drinking a beer, about sitting in your underwear, about a piece of trash at the beach. Art’s power is its endurance, and I find it best fitting…
“The Grudge Store,” by Richard David Bach
(Advertisement) THE GRUDGE STORE Are you holding a Grudge, but don’t know what to do with it? We can help. Grudgestore.con is the online repository for those who are carrying Grudges but don’t have the time nor space to hold their Grudges themselves. Our satisfied customers select the level at which each Grudge is to be maintained, from an intense boil to a low simmer, with an option to slowly cool to room temperature. We have a cryogenic unit for those who wish long-term cold storage, and microwave reheat capability in the event a dormant Grudge requires rekindling. Our flat-rate annual membership comes with the privilege of reviewing each Grudge once every 90 days to ensure that the Grudge is intact, valid, and worthwhile retaining. Additional visits and revisions are available at small additional fees, and we have quantity discounts for those with multiple Grudges. …
“The Trio” — A Short Story by Nick Sweeney
Of the men in the trio, one managed a hardware store, another was a supervisor in a factory producing plastic parts for light fittings, and the other a print shop proofer. Their white collars were discolored, verging on frayed, their shirt cuffs grubby, though they had to have a Sunday best at home. They were men out of old magazines and black-and-white movies, from a different time, I sometimes thought, yet there they came, swanning into mine. Every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, they converged on a corner on the edge of the industrial district, where three roads met, then, without pausing, marched into our little restaurant. “Never call it a diner,” Dad warned me, a long time before I set foot in there to work. “It’s a restaurant.” But with a cook, and not a chef, and no espresso machine, it can’t even be called a café; it’s a diner. There’s nothing wrong with that. In our ad in the local rag, it says we serve ‘good, honest, home-cooked food’. Those commas are the loudest items on the page. It’s not too off-the-mark to say I’m…
“Yodeling in the City” A Short Story by Marc Littman
“No more yodeling, John, I can’t stand it!” Joan clutched her ears like she was clinging to a stout tree in a hurricane. I peered at my wife’s pained visage, a face that after 40 years I no longer tried to spare any torment, and shrugged. “Maybe I’m calling out to you, if only you could hear.” “Like I’m a fat cow in the Alps and you’re a shepherd?!” Joan cried. “We live in New York, John. People don’t yodel in the city.” Peering through our expansive windows at a Matterhorn of concrete, I started to warble but stifled the urge. Taking a different tack, I pivoted to confront Joan. “Elmer does.” “Elmer’s a peasant, he belongs in the Alps. He and Julie Andrews can sing their hearts out!” Joan volleyed back. I took a hit but stood my ground. “Yodeling is more than singing, Joan. The subtle pitches and measured breathing, it calms me, and it reminds me of our younger days. Remember when we used to…
“You vs. the Apocalypse,” by Ayman Elsayed
TITLE: You vs. The Apocalypse GENRE: Legal, Simulation, Strategy DEVELOPER: COVID-19 FRANCHISE: Pandemic Interactive PUBLISHER: Ayman Elsayed RELEASE DATE: March 15, 2020 The handling of the end of the world is on trial. Your only mission is to survive. Overcome struggles such as mental health, physical isolation and deteriorating resources by interacting with technology. Engage with others. Find a hobby. Judge your community. Protect yourself from yourself. Single-player Achievements Full Remote Compatibility RECENT REVIEWS: Very Negative. 99.9% of the 7,729,536,211 user reviews in the last 30 days are negative. Popular user-defined tags for this product: Closed World, Survival Horror, RPG, Retro, Sandbox, Social Distancing, Crafting, Souls-like —————————————————————————————————————– _________ / ======= \ / __________\ | ___________ | | | | | | | START | | …
“The Alarming Misadventures of Henry’s Continuing E.D.,” by Len Messineo
“Have you no sense of humor?” Sylvia says. Earlier in the evening, she had jokingly referred to Henry—who suffers from male-pattern baldness—as “Cue Ball” in front of their friends at the Eagle Cove Yachting Club. Now Henry is sulking. He might have been a good sport about it, but Henry, an engineer having a keen intelligence for machines, has none for humans, especially Silvia. He reasons, falsely, that if only he could grow hair, he would escape his wife’s withering remarks. So, Henry sees his family doctor. The doctor writes him a prescription for Propecia. By now we’ve all seen the ads on television for the newly FDA-approved medication. A soft lulling music plays while a voice-over—as consoling as a funeral counselor—reads a list of possible contraindications: drowsiness, burning, tingling sensations, difficult bowel movements, seizures, and on and on with the tag…